Page Number: 182


September 12th, 2006

PAGE FOOTNOTESI actually debated about covering up Hannya...but then I realized that I am equally showing Ransei's nipples too. The full immature foolishness about such matters, the patriarchal bullcrap about how men's nipples are allowed, but women's nipples are not, hit me. Now I feel ashamed that I even bothered to worry about the issue. The amount of sexual shame that got into my skull in my childhood is staggering.

Let me be plain: any culture that considers breasts a shameful sight best hidden from men and children, is a sick, sick culture.

Perhaps the love of a brilliant woman just might heal poor, broken Ransei Aoi. I've never thought Ran was a bad man...just a very broken one. He never got any love, and he did get a lot of shame, growing up. He worries too much about what others think, and not enough about what he needs to be doing, and what his own worth might be.

And yes,Ran mirrors a distorted slice of my own demons. Of course. That is what artists do.

Art is performance therapy for creative people with issues.

Fortunately, I'm not messed up enough to need to be a comedian or an actor.

But I am messed up enough to need to paint all day and night.

Don't worry...I have my own Hannyas...and they do help. Utterly.


By Jennifer Diane Reitz

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